The Power of Naming: "I'm Not Your Girl/Lady/Honey/Dear"

All people know the power of naming well since the meaning of words has exsited in the human history. Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet meet and fall in love in Shakespeare's lyrical tale of "star-cross'd" lovers. In the play, the most famouse part happened when Juliet tells Romeo that a name is an artificial and meaningless convention, and that she loves the person who is called "Montague", not the Montague name and not the Montague family. Romeo, out of his passion for Juliet, rejects his family name and vows, as Juliet asks, to "deny father" and instead be "new baptized" as Juliet's lover. This one short line encapsulates the central struggle and tragedy of the play:

"What's in a name?
That which we call a roseBy any other name would smell as sweet."
Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

I've been a Language learner(Chinese, English, German, French) for more than fifteen years. During those years, I alos acquired the culture background behind the four languages. From my past learning experience, I understand the power and importance of naming in each culutre quite well. I discover that women have many names in the four cultures; however, not all the names are appropreiate and polite. For example, once I had met an e-pal on E-PALWORLD. I invited him to be my e-mail pale in my E-pal project; however, after I received his first letter, I gave up the idea of being e-pals with him. In his first letter, the opening began with "hi, dear, ...,"I felt really unconfortable and unrespectable. Consequently, I think it is essential and important for both sexes, especially male, to learn how to dress the other sex properly.

Recently I read a good article in a section titled "Hey Lady: Whose Honey Are You Anyway?", in Language and the Sexes, a book written by Francine Frank and Frank Anshen, they say that when we speak to one another, we reveal the nature of our relationship with and our attitudes towards the person in many ways. One of these ways is in the forms of address we choose.

Here's an example: would you be surprised if your male friend told you about the girl he was going to marry? Not at all. You wouldn't think that your friend is a pedophile because you assume he means a woman. How about if a male friend told you about the girl he met last night at the club? You wouldn't bat an eyelash. That's because in our language grown women are commonly referred to as girls, but the same is not true of grown and young men whom are referred to as guys .

The most of us can easily understand the affront involved in calling a grown man a boy, but it is considered normal and sometimes even a compliment to refer to women of any age as girls. As women have been taught to value youthfulness, they many take the term girl as a compliment. But the price of being eternally youthful is to never grow up, and these women may be acquiescing in their own powerlessness.

The less sexist thing would be to address all females 18 years and older as women, and to refrain all uses of the term "girl". Many women have heard that they must behave like a lady, and as a courtesy a man may call a woman "young lady" or "lady" as a polite gesture. While the term has its good implications, it can be quite restricting for women because a lady we know from Jane Austen novels is polite, gentile, and well-behaved, properly-dressed and coiffed, then the question is: if a woman is not a lady then what is she?

Frank and Anshen say that the term lady can be used a polite way to refer to a woman of high social status or admirable traits, much like the term gentleman , but that unlike the address of gentleman, the uses of the term lady are far more diverse and complicated than those of the term gentleman.

As an example of the complications, they say that we have never dealt with a sales gentleman , neither can we inquire as to the location of the gentleman's room. They also say that the term lady negates the sexual aspects of a woman. "She's a lady," a man may say of a woman of high morals, but then again, haven't we heard the term "lady of the night" ? The best thing to do is to just forfeit the "polite" use of the term lady.

Frank and Anshen say that a woman can also be addressed with an offhand affection which is not allowed in addressing men. How many times have women heard, "be a dear", or "here you go, honey", or something similar from a man? If the woman tries to reciprocate say Frank and Anshen, it will usually be inappropriate and may be misunderstood, especially if she is speaking to man.

In fact a woman runs the risk of the man taking the address as a come-on, or an invitation for sexual advances. Frank and Anshen say that men express their economic power over women by addressing them in sexually aggressive ways. They also say that in the past a woman either put up with the behavior, or quit their jobs. A woman, they say, who wishes to defy the traditional status relationships may choose to react to address practices by forcing reciprocal use. Just be a dear, wont you, honey, and do not address women in sexually aggressive ways.

In brief, just pay attention to maintain the appropriate manner. It is essential for a language leaner to know the right time and right way to address women.